Sevens in Triplicate / Assholes in Spades
I seem to have fallen back into my lovely (read: psychotic) routine of triple sevens. Get to work at seven, go home at seven, back to work at seven. Actually, it’s more like the Bermuda Triangle of the fourth dimension where everything just gets sucked up into this infinite void of stress, yelling and paperwork. Which wouldn’t be so bad really, if it weren’t for stupid people. But then again, what wouldn’t?
If my life were a movie, this is the scene where I’d pick up a drug habit to get me through the days. And I haven’t really, unless you consider Advil a drug habit. So kudos to me. But not kudos to my fledgling bleeding ulcer.
At any rate, I think this blog’s been getting a little too cutesy and inner-monologue-ish for my taste, so it’s time for a proper bitching. Thus, in honor of what I like to officially declare Asshole Week (believe me, there’ll be plenty more), here is a short list of five (of many) asshole-ish things that really irk me:
1.) Assholes who think they’re hotter than hot shit even though they’re not; and even if they were it doesn’t excuse them from assholedom.
2.) Assholes who feel the need to press the elevator call button after seeing you press it or notice the light is already on. Ditto for crosswalks.
3.) Assholes who feel the need to get into the elevator before letting you get out.
4.) Assholes who see/notice you right behind them, yet fail to hold the door.
5.) Asshole traffic cops who cite people for crossing a street at a crosswalk one second after the red hand started flashing because they were cut off by an off duty ambulance. And as they’re ticketing you for a one hundred and fourteen fucking dollar fine, thirty other people are carrying out much worse offenses punishable by law every which way you turn and then have the audacity to tell you, through their 35 year-old retainer-wearing teeth, that their job isn’t to “protect and serve,” like it says on their insignia, but rather, make sure traffic is moving swiftly. Fuck you, Officer Dipshit. You know who you are, you stupid hapless motherfucker.
Ahhh, ain’t Asshole Week grand?
If my life were a movie, this is the scene where I’d pick up a drug habit to get me through the days. And I haven’t really, unless you consider Advil a drug habit. So kudos to me. But not kudos to my fledgling bleeding ulcer.
At any rate, I think this blog’s been getting a little too cutesy and inner-monologue-ish for my taste, so it’s time for a proper bitching. Thus, in honor of what I like to officially declare Asshole Week (believe me, there’ll be plenty more), here is a short list of five (of many) asshole-ish things that really irk me:
1.) Assholes who think they’re hotter than hot shit even though they’re not; and even if they were it doesn’t excuse them from assholedom.
2.) Assholes who feel the need to press the elevator call button after seeing you press it or notice the light is already on. Ditto for crosswalks.
3.) Assholes who feel the need to get into the elevator before letting you get out.
4.) Assholes who see/notice you right behind them, yet fail to hold the door.
5.) Asshole traffic cops who cite people for crossing a street at a crosswalk one second after the red hand started flashing because they were cut off by an off duty ambulance. And as they’re ticketing you for a one hundred and fourteen fucking dollar fine, thirty other people are carrying out much worse offenses punishable by law every which way you turn and then have the audacity to tell you, through their 35 year-old retainer-wearing teeth, that their job isn’t to “protect and serve,” like it says on their insignia, but rather, make sure traffic is moving swiftly. Fuck you, Officer Dipshit. You know who you are, you stupid hapless motherfucker.
Ahhh, ain’t Asshole Week grand?
posted by Eti at
2:33 PM
1 Comments:
Anyone who comments is just getting added to the list. So I'm going to be smart and just not write anythi-- oh, crap.
Meh, I'm probably already on there somewhere anyway.
By
Nick, at 2:43 PM
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